Back to the original purpose of this post....when I had the first cut years ago it was really really hurt. James Blunt was spot on in his song when he said the first cut is the deepest. Indeed! But I've learned something which I hope could be used in my future life. Then since that I have been really careful and thought I did pretty well until last year back in September/Oct.
The book started with such a nice chapter with loads of promising happiness. Who doesn't want a happiness in life? Everyone does! Yeah...I jumped into it without thinking twice. I thought it would be my ultimate happiness and I was ready to invest everything in physically, mentally and emotionally. I have to say my brain was wise enough (not that i'm a genius LOL!) warned me and of course he did warn me several times. But you know what? I was so damn idiot for not believing my brain. Well, in all fairness, I did believe him but because I have fallen too deep trying to soar up seemed a bit too late that time. I pretended and played the clown to hide all the doubts but all of them came out eventually.
Yeah, I was broken and dumped by someone who I thought I could spend the rest of my life. It was so hard and painful. That time I insisted James Blunt was wrong in his song. No...the first cut wasn't the deepest in my case. I blamed myself for being careless. I should have learned about it I should have known all the doubts and clues. I thought I have..my brain did shout it to me. But I was careless or maybe just stub born. I don't know....I'm still a bit blur but I know and always believe time is the best healer and the best medicine. But one thing for sure is I will always remember it. I will always keep it in mind for what I have been through. I will always remember all the pains caused. Yes i was happy...yeah...they were all just illusions. You were strong that time and i wasn't. You knew what you wanted in life and you led me according to your plan. Then you realised it wasn't that easy to bend me to fit your plan (at least I won one section in your game).
Now...I have nothing to say..I shut of mouth closed..you made deep scars and you opened them. They are all bleeding. You can go ahead..and tell your past what you have done. Yeah tell them my unconditional love is something impossible for you. Tell them you have tried (although you didn't) but it didn't work. Tell them all the lies you used to tell me. You gave me something which i will remember for the rest of my life. I was happy but now my heart is broken....I probably will remember this for so many many years if not the rest of my life because I was so badly hurt you (not even sure why I'm still alive...maybe it happened for something better? Who knows!)