It's full moon time and my heart is bleeding

What life means and what love means to you? Where is God or does God is looking at me? Or does God ever cares about me? Or he doesn't? Did i ask too much to God? If i did show me how it should be? I am ambitious but somehow i feel like i can't achieve my ambitions for some reasons. I want to give something back to the persons i love, to the persons who proud of me and to the persons who care about me. Is it too hard? Is it too much? Tonight I am on my own and thinking about how's my life. I looked back and saw so many things i have been through in my life. I look back and so many things that i went through without realising that i actually succeed on it. Sometimes life is too much, sometimes life is too short and some people say life is too long. For for me, I don't care how short or how long my life is gonna be, only if i have achieved the things that i want to do then i will be happy to say good bye.

P/S: I don't know why but my heart is bleeding again. I can't answer why and I don't know why. Am afraid the blood is too much x