It's the 3rd day I'm off from running

A very happy birthday to those who celebrate their birthdays today. You're either very lucky for celebrating your birthday once every four years or you are very unlucky because other people have a birthday party once a year. Whatever you think about it, wishing you a very very happy birthday and enjoy the moment.

Anyway, today is the third day I'm off from my daily run and I should have been resting but I have been so busy instead. My last run was on Sunday which I did only 9.5KM. Sunday's afternoon I started doing some sort of "construction work". Yes it was and bloody tiring. Mum wanted me to build a garage in front of the house. The tiring part is, the garage size wasn't for a single car but for three cars. So they are quite big with the size of 36ft x 30ft and only three of us (sometimes four) work for it. Huh...it's the fourth day and today is just doing the last part and hopefully to finish it before three or four this evening so I can have a short run of 8KM. I wish I could do more than that but I don't think if I could because I am so tired.

I asked mum to give me a back massage last night but suddenly the electricity power went off so I decided not to continue it but went to bed instead. I was so tired and the strangest thing was I couldn't close my eyes although my body was exhausted. Mum should have massaged me this morning but when I woke up I had my breakfast I continued doing the work left from yesterday. It's almost one in the afternoon and now I am having a break and will take my lunch shortly after finished writing this post.

I should be running up Kinabalu Mountain according to my plan but I'm not sure if I could because my training didn't follow exactly what I've planned. My target is to get down to 61 or 62KG so I would feel lighter but I failed because my current weight is 64KG and I was 63.4KG a a couple of weeks ago. I gained almost a kilo because I was unwell and for I ate a lot. I've read an article somewhere on the internet said that when we are ill we should eat a lot to boost up our energy and metabolism level. I'm not sure how true this fact is but I did it and I recovered quickly just about 2 or 3 days.

Running up a kinabalu mountain with my current weight would be heavy. Yup 64KG is not an ideal weight to do the ascending 8.7KM uphill. I would say the best weight is under 60KG but I would consider myself if i were 61 or 62KG.

OK folks I need to take my lunch now....take care and I still need to lose some weight maybe four kilos.

PhD Conditional offer letter is arrived in Sabah

They did thoroughly checked my proposal eh

Holla guys, I hope all is okay. I am okay but updating this blog with a bit tiredness. Anyway I had only 9.5KM today this morning and was a bit tiring. I finished it in 54 minutes 30 seconds. It was a bit slow because my best record so far is 10.44KM in 54 minutes 36 seconds. This means, I could finish 10KM in 53 minutes-ish roughly. My target is to improve myself so I could finish 10KM in less than 50 minutes. I hope to take about a year or maybe a year and a half to achieve this. In the second year or third year my aim is to finish 10KM in less than 45 minutes and gradually trying to reach 40 minutes.

Anyway, yesterday when sister came from school she told me that I have a letter offer from a university. Then I said okay give it to me and I need it to find further details about my PhD course. On the letter I should start on the 23rd of Sept 2012 but then I managed to persuade my Prof to start it on the 1st of May this year. So it's a great news although it took about a couple of weeks to reach me.

In order to get the unconditional letter of offer I need to make a £2000 non refundable deposit to the university. So i hope my sponsor would be able to do it as soon as possible. I have emailed to my sponsor. After that I do need to apply for my visa then book for my flight ticket. Huh..need to do a few more things.

I need to go to bed now..I am so bloody tired!

Lunch time with my sister and her family

Together with sister, nieces, nephews and brother in law

Our delicious lunch! yummy

It was last year when we were visiting my sister who was in Kota Marudu North Sabah. We were bored at home eating the same sort of food and initially we thought we were going to a stall for lunch but at last we decided to drive up for two hours (quite far from where we were eh). I rang up my sister and asked her to cook for lunch. About 1PM we arrived and all the food were cooked and served on the table. We stayed there for a night and had a blast on her karaoke set! Singing and dancing like mad!

A poem: Someone

Here's another poem I wrote weeks after the first one you've read yesterday. I'm not a poet but I do like write a poem when I'm down. It feels like I'm telling people about how I feel but in a different form. So enjoy the poem...

Title: Someone

There was someone,
Someone who used to live in the darkness,
A life that he wish he never had,

It has been many years,
Since he used to live with little lamps,
In a little bamboo house,
The house held thousands of stories about someone,
But he feels it was like yesterday,

Someone used to live with nothing left,
His belongings were burnt out,
He had to work as a stone collector,
To carry out his life through the darkness,

Someone used to work,
From dawn till the sun disappeared,
With little rice in his worn out bag,
For a little money,

His little body was tired,
Slept on the bamboo floor every night,
Woke up before the dawn came.

After woken up by many unexplainable dreams,
Hoping to get another Ringgit in the next day,
Someone was a warrior,
In the battle of his family,
Those who failed will fall,
Those who escaped will live,

His dad always wanted to kill him,
Either with a hatchet or motorbike,
But he was strong and unbeatable,
He never wanted to be defeated,
By the hatchet held by another warrior,
He escaped every single attempt

Someone used to cry,
When he got to know he was different,
He was adopted in the family,
He never knew his real parents,
But he hoped it wasn't true.

Someone used to run deep inside the jungle,
When he was sad and cried under a tree,
He wished the tree could talk to him,
Though he knew it was just a dream,

When the pouring rain came,
Someone used to save his books,
Putting them in a plastic bag,
Because he knew,
The bamboo house was not able to protect his books.

Someone had a dark life,
Darker than when he was walking in the jungle at night,
under the moon light,
He had to go through it,
Though sometimes he lost his way,
But he kept awake and walking,

Because he knew at the end of the jungle,
There was a little bamboos house which will give a shelter to someone.


P/s: This is another poem illustrates about the blog owner

A poem: A little boy

I've written this poem in Dec 2011 when I was feeling so dawn about my life.
It was about 2 Am in the morning and couldn't sleep. So I grabbed a pen next to my bed and a piece of paper then started writing something. This has several versions until I cut off some unnecessary stanzas and finalised it. So here's the final version.

Title: A little boy

There was a man,
Who used to run and walk in the jungle,
Every morning and afternoon
Together with squirrels, monkeys, butterflies and sometimes a snake

He used to live with a little lamp,
In a little house made from bamboos,
He used to run away deep in the jungle,
To save his life from the roughness of his drunk brother and father,
Then he had to crawl back to the house to get back his things,
Before setting off to school through the jungle with empty stomach

When he had a chance,
He went to a shop and stole pencils, books, sharpener and sometimes sweets,
He never wanted to do that,
He knew it was wrong to do that,
But then he had no choice,
Or he would never be where he is at the moment

He used to cry when he lost his pencil,
It was hurt more than when he was ill,
He adored every single thing in his bag,
Though the bag was old but he appreciated it

When he was a little boy,
He never had what he wanted,
He liked chocolates,
Cost too much to afford them,
He had to steal them

When he was a boy,
He never had new shoes and uniforms when a new term began,

The pupils used to laugh at him because of his poorness,
The other villagers used to laugh at him because he always wore the
same old uniform to go to school,
He was down, but he was strong in his world

Sharp at 12.40 in the afternoon,
The moment he had waited for since the dawn,
He ran out of the class and excited going back at home,
He was hungry and thirsty,
He stopped at the little stream and took his bottle,
Filled it up and drank it.

He liked carbonated drinks,
That day it cost 1 ringgit but it was a lot of money for him,
He never had it and he really wanted to know how it tasted,
One day he was walking to the shop,
There was a bus passing him though,

One of the people on the bus threw a carbonated drink cane out of the bus,
He ran to get the can and found out there was some left inside the can,
With a thirsty throat he drank it and he was over the moon,
He thought it was so delicious and loved it so much

He knew when he got back at home,
He will end up with rice and nothing else,
Maybe some salts or black sauce,
Or something very little in the can.

He collected snails from the river or maybe some eatable leaves from the jungle,
For his lunch to be eaten with rice

His childhood was a life,
A life with not a single challenge,
But many challenges to build him,
To be someone stronger and tougher,
Although he fell, dropped and slipped many times.

Crossing the bridge of life,
But he woke up and kept walking with no one,
Even his body was tired,
But the flame of his spirit was always on,
Because he knew nobody would be with him but himself....

P/s: It's a true story of someone...

I'm like an owl waiting for something with uncertainty

Picture was taken at my mum's house

Months, days, hours...all have gone and I am still waiting for it but never came out. I have wasted many months of my life. I've done a few big mistakes last year which I shouldn't do but I was so focus and ambitious to achieve my dreams till I forgot one simple thing caused my whole life changed from my plan. I didn't realise it until when I looked back I realised I wasn't on my storyboard which I have created years ago. I quickly checked back on my lists and managed to find the faults. I am now struggling to get back on track although I knew this is the most difficult part of the stage.

Years ago, I knew this could be one of the possible situations I need to go through but I didn't give it a big attention because looking at my storyboard analysis it had very small percentage. I almost just ignored it till a few days ago I realised that I'm in it and find it very difficult to walk. I didn't regret furthered my study in England because this was one of my big dreams of my life which I always wanted to do and now I have ticked and rounded it on my list of things I want to do in life. Step by step I achieved most of my dreams although once in 2003 my plan had slipped again from the path I have planned. I was in sadness for months and I thought to myself I wasn't good enough to be like the rest of my friends. I kept blaming myself for being so ambitious until in Nov 2003 something came out and it seemed like a new life had begun.

My plan had destroyed and I had to re-plan my life again. Everything went well! until I finished my degree and went up to Penang. I worked at there and my plan went smoothly. I then flew up to a big city of London to find a new challenge of my life although I knew lots of uncertainly ahead me. Before I flew to London I said to myself that I will fight for every single challenge come to my life. Almost two years in England, I did lots of things with lots of experience. Bad and good, up and down, laughter and sadness all were there.

In 2011, I knew I was going to do a big mistake in my life. God had whispered to me to make a decision as soon as possible but I was stubborn to carry it on with me. I was happy with what I was doing although I knew I shouldn't do that. Months I've been doing the same thing not my intention but I was trapped in the middle of dilemma and my plan. Maybe because I was trying to get back on my initial plan which I have created many years ago. I saw a chance at there and I thought I could do it but I was wrong or maybe God didn't want me to go back to my plan. He knows better!

After I finished my study and received a first class master degree I started to continue my journey again. Initially I wanted to find a job in the UK and was planning to stay longer at there. Do some savings and later of my life eventually I would like to open a business. Weeks after I finished my master degree I had to present my master's dissertation at the International conference in Brighton. I took the challenge and I'm glad because I did it well. During that time one of my plans did not work. I started to worry but I quickly made a plan B. Still didn't work. I made several plans C,D,E and F! All didn't work because everything was like a chain. If one is broken the rest would be unreachable.

Later of last year, I decided to take the last option which is the last plan and I never thought I could be taking this one! I am now on it trying very hard to do it, waiting with a big hope though I knew it has a great uncertainty. I keep waiting on a brittle branch like an owl looking at the moon to come down as a dream. Every night and day I sing, I cry and I laugh but I would never knew what would be the end. All I'm doing now is waiting and hope the brittle branch won't break before the dream come true.