I'm the one by your side

My legs are a bit tired tonight but still want to update my blog just to make it alive again. I started this blog about five or six years ago and ever since I always try to make sure this blog is stay alive.

You know when you are in a relationship right? It feels so good and everyday you feel like you always have something that you'll be looking forward. Everyday the person's name is on your head and you remember all the things that you used to do together, you feel like the person is just perfect for you and you just don't want to lose that person.

But in some cases, some people have been in relationships before the person met you. Sometimes in your conversion, the person talks about his/her past. Some of them had really good ones. I mean really good relationships. But for some reasons "it is better to leave than to hold on". There are so many reasons this happened...and one of them is death.

Okay okay some of you did not understand what I'm trying to say. Let's put it straight to the point. Dating with someone who had an amazing relationship but his/her gf/bf passed away just before they got married.

So basically, every time you are having a date with the person you always feel like you are being compared (even if the person never compared). Don't you feel that way? I do...most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I want to be better than the person's previous partner/bf/gf. But you know what..I've read a book about dating (I can't believe I was reading it) and according to that book, never compete with a ghost and the ghost will be always the winner. You will end up a loser and disappointed in the relationship.

So this kind of relationship scares me a lot... I don't expect to be better than the previous one in all aspects but I do want to be better in many aspects. Because I always have the thoughts if the the person's previous one is better than I might be forgotten easily because the ghost will be always in his mind. Eventually you might end up an uncertain relationship. What's the point of being in a relationship if your the person past is always the background and shadow in between you and him/her?

As the song says...he's gone....but he's still in your mind...he's the background of our relationship...makes me feel like i'm number one but i'm not the only one :-(

Yeah...he had a perfect heart and flawless but he's gone and i'm the one by your side....i can see in your eyes that you are not ready though you've said you are....we can't smoke without the fire i'm afraid :-(

Squeezing My Brain Before a Short Holiday

Hollaaa...back again in my little blog trying to make sure my blog is not too empty or at least something is happening :-) The moment I'm writing this post I am waiting my desktop to produce experiment results. I ran it yesterday and decided to play badminton hoped that it will just do its work and will email me the results when I got back home. Unfortunately, when reading the 357th data, something went wrong. As a result, It stopped working and produced an error which needed to be fixed. When I finished badminton and got home, I checked my email and didn't get a report from my algorithm. Then I thought there must be an error somewhere while reading one of the data. This morning, when I got the office and check MatLab, yeah I was spot on! So I had to fix a few parts of the algorithm to make it working again. But this time instead of reading it from the first data I started reading the data where it stopped  before. But I have to save all the results from 1st data till 356th data. I have about 450 data all together and I just copy and paste all of them and analyse the results combination.

This is my desk in the office..writing this post while waiting my algorithm to complete its job

Anyway, It will be very busy week in the next three weeks. I have to prepare my journey to Ireland for another conference. I am looking forward to see the place. I got the feeling that it will be fairly similar with England? Wales or Scotland? Mmmm...I'm not sure but my gut is telling me these places will be very similar. That is why I am so looking forward to see Italy instead of Ireland. Well, it would another holiday for me (if you call it a short holiday) and the most important thing is to meet up with another PhD students and hopefully will make some friends :-) . But before that, I have to do a short talk to the Department's workshop on the 20th of  August and that is in a few weeks time (less than two weeks actually). I need to arrange my flights and also hotel. Just after my conference I will be heading back to London as my friend nick is coming for a visit in the UK. I will update soon regarding to our preliminary plan on Nick's visit :-). Yeah all the way from North Borneo and I am excited to visit Paris, Belgium and Holland (of course England, Wales and Scotland as well). One of the most exciting and fun thing to do is camping (hopefully we can do this) as well as climbing mountains :-). But at the moment I have a task which I need to do by next Friday (next week) and have to report my Professor about the initial outcomes. Fingers crossed I will get some good results. But it will be very very busy...it's Saturday today and I am in the office on my own working on it and need to implement a couple of experiments.....Till now see ya....I got the results already...looks better than my latest method? Mmmmm...I will update soon...

My room before and after lol!

After

Before

Hello there..am back again with my blog. It was messy as i went out and bought quite a lot of things for my new life. Huh...yeah my new life..i hope this new life goes well. Anyway..you can see my room before i clean it up and after i cleaned it. Mmmm..messy with the plastic begs and everything was here and there. I have just got back from the class just now and i am so tired. I need to get some rest as i need to go to the library later for my assignments. Huh..this is student's life..so busy but nobody wants to pay you but success.

Just got my exam results, it makes me dancing

I wish i could fly to celebrate it

I got up quite early this morning about 8 am (if i not mistaken)..then i went to town to see the "morning market" as i never seen morning market in the UK before. I was thinking about my exam results the night before. The good thing is i didn't even think about it last night. I fallen asleep quickly last night. I think because i was very tired last night. Thinking about this, that and all sort of things. My heart is still bleeding and i am still hurt but i just hope one day there will be time for me to erase all the memories even though i know it's something impossible to forget. I really thought the person was honest to me and and trusted all the promises. But there you go..they were all rubbish!!!

Anyway..I got back from the "morning market" about 10 am if i not mistaken and i quickly turned on my laptop and clicked mozzila firefox. I browsed studynet to check my exam results. Mmmm..was a bit nervous but i was okey i guess. Slowly i rolled down the laptop's touch pad and i saw my result with distinction. Wow....what a day? even though i was a bit disappointed because there is one subject where it didn't reach my target score. But..overall..it's a flying colour result....

I am sorry to some of my friends. They are a few of them failed their subjects and even some of them got very low grades. We did, we laughed and we enjoyed together even clubbing together but the exam results are totally different...

p/s: life is so tiring...but i really want to enjoy it before it came......

Work and work and work...

After about almost a month i was on holiday..I've decided to be a part time programmer with a company somewhere in Heathrow. I went the interview twice and i've got the job. I work from home most of the time and go for a meeting once a week..so it seems easy but..trust me when i say the job is not easy..it's bloody difficult. Huh....i never seen something like that before. Just imagine a system that has been developed by more than 10 engineers and now only one engineer going to modify it. Means you have to understand 10 heads/brains that developed the system..and you only have one brain to handle it...tht's silly isn't? it is....

Anyway..i'm not moaning just feel a bit depress (depress??? really??LOL!). Well, not depress i just upset to myself because it causes me to complate the tasks a bit slow. Anyway...today am going to enjoy my week end and hopefully tmrw i will feel fresher and feel better...hehehehehe...

You know what i mean if i say i'm going to enjoy myself..it means i'm going to the club..LOL! not to drink honestly....just to look around and dancing...yeah of course..i love dancing! hehehehe...

OK..ok..i gotta go now...need to sort out my friend's mobile phone..going to the nearest shop..hehehe..buye....catch up soon xxxxx

Tiring weekend but i enjoyed it

I need very hot latte to re-energise me

Hey guys, how is everything? I hope for those my friends in the UK enjoyed the hot weather this weekend and for those my friends in Malaysia had a great weekend. Well, I had my sun tanned today and it was really nice. Now i know why most caucasians will take off their chlotes when they come to hot countries like Malaysia and Singapore. Exactly same thing happened to me. After i have been trapped for five months in the winter here in the UK, i had my sun tanned and it was the first time i ever done in my life. But i love it and honestly it was very unusual to do it at the first time. But there you go, i am desperate for a heat and really need hot weather. Yesterday and today was really a great day and the hottest days so far. Huh..i feel so happy and of course i am exausted! I had a long walked and layed down under the sun. LOL!!!! extreemly unbelieveable when i was doing it this afternoon. Tommrrow, i should be doing something else...lol!

At the same time i am still waiting a project to be assigned by Orbix company but i haven't received one yet. But i've got an email form the director today says that they are still finialising the projects and still in the process to select particular tasks to be assigned to me. Mmmm...should be by next week and on thursday or friday i should be going to the company and have some discussions with the project manager, cheif programmer and operational director. Can't wait to have a meeting with them.

Anyway folks, time for me to have my dinner and i am so hungry after my long walk today. It was hot so i bet i burnt a lot of calories...hahahahahaha...take care folks and bye for now x

Two different people are in love

The art of two different people but i never understood

Last night i was in the laying on the bed and i've got a message from my friend in malaysia and telling me something about the person. Telling me that the person has someone and happier now. Well, i wish the person is happier now and i wish that he is better than me and if he doesn't i am always here. My feeling was brusting last night..huh...what a life. So sad isn't? Anyway..that's how life goes and all those things should make you even stronger to go ahead to the next step of your life.

Telling you this, how if there are two very different people are falling in love but one of them too scared to have the relationship? Maybe until the right moment, then it will bring too much meaning for the other person. The first person is far away came to the second person's place. Very different culture, very different ages, very different background...almost everything is different but the first person likes the second person. Unfortunetly, it seem like it will never works.

These two very different peopele are so scared to have such a relationship because they have been hurt before. Both are so cautious for the next relationship as they dob't want to be hurt again. Well..well.well...isn't crazy?

Anyway....today am going to do something intresting actually. I didn't plan it but it came last minute to me so i just will do it. Hehehehe...shall i say i like to go for climbing? yeah.. i like to do that. At the same time i am still waiting for the company to assign to me a project. I am s0 excited for it because it is very important to my CV later when i'm going to apply for a job. Well, next next i should have a meeting with the company to i gotta go to Heathrow.

Well, the weather is lovely today and thanks God for the hot weather. I am going to enjoy it!!! yeah....mmm...ok folks am going out now and get ready..:) bye x

Just my silly thoughts tonight

It was two days i have been very very busy..went here and there..meeting friends, interview, call conference, etc.....so many things happened this week. Even on my mind, it's so crowded. Life, love, money, friends, study, everything.....argh...anyway..next week i should be going to the company again. Maybe to meet up the client and maybe will have a few discussions. I hope i can do my best for this first company i'm working with in the UK. This is very important to me when i graduated from my master degree. I really hope to be able to work here in the UK because the money is so good. Well, u know what...it's not being money minded but who can live without money? I don't believe it when someone says money is not important and they said money can't make u happy. Well. u can't buy love with money but i'm sure u can make people happy with money.

Second thought was about falling in love with someone. Just imagine..two different people falling in love each other but the first one is a rich one and the second one is just an average person. The rich one loves the average one but the average one feels so small when they were meeting each other. Do you think it will work? It doesn't work i guess....

Anyway, my third thought was about my future..i am so concern about my future..who doesn't? unless u just want to live like the others. I want to have a good standard of living and i want to have my own properties, cars, love and all the things that in my dream. Sometimes i am thinking whether what i'm doing now is really worth for what i have invested or not. Whether it will change my standard of life or not. I don't know...i just hope when i'm doing now is something valuable.

Huh..guys, a lot of things on my mind at the moment and i just hope as the time goes, all those questions will be answered. Anyway..i am missing someone very very much and i really do miss this perosn. It makes me so down and a bit sad. I didn't hear from this person for about a few months. It's killing me softly...

Take care guys, am out now and will write again soon....

Am on my own tonight

On my own

Mmmmm...I am getting on my own. Will contact my friends tonight as i can't be on my own. I like to be with friends and having party (lol..). Not to have party all the time though..i like to be on my own as well sometimes. But, this week is a bit quite for me. Market is bounching from 140.35 to 135.85, so no indication at all to buy or sell. Well, 2 positions left since last week. One is making money and second is losing money. Am still waiting one of the posistions will be closed. Huh...a friend tonight is leaving for Wales. Going out first for a dinner and drive him to the train station.

Then?? I will on my own....mmmmm...what am i going to do this week end? Well, meeing a few friends i hope or go to somewhere i hope. Where? I don't know...i have no idea..i will think the destination tonight and tmrw.

What shall i do tonight? arghhh....help......boring....
OK, OK..he is ready now and time to go for a dinner to a Chinese restaurant..bye folks!

P/S: Malaysia won over denmark..yeahhh.....but can Malaysia beats the great wall of China ?? we will see...but my earlier prediction is NO.

The hurt is so bad and i can't take it any longer

Loving someone who wants to be your friend..what do u feel?

I am back again after a long boring day. Well, not really boring, but it was me so fussy...I hope i could find a part time job as soon as possible. Mmmm....i can't just sit and do nothing or mess around with my laptop. It's horrible..i like to do any job that i can work from home :)

So i am free and i can do my work from anywhere. Mmmm...i should do some research about my master's thesis/dissertation but i just not in mood to squeeze my brian at the moment. Well, if i do programming job in have to squeeze my brain to solve but not to find originality. Finding disseratation's title means finding something original (for me).

Well, well...i don't know...but suddenly i feel so sad and missing someone very much today. Yeah, i know very wired but...what to do. I was trying to forget it because i knew it's not gonna happen but..the more i try to forget it....my heart breaking even more..so how could i resist it?I've got this feeling since this afternoon and now about 11.30 pm UK time, it's getting worse. I want to see, i want to tell, i want to hold, i want to hug, i want to kiss...lol (sorry i am a bit naughty).

Anyway..i hope tmrw i will be able go to the gym and move my fatt ass..lol!!!!